June 18th, 2013 § 0 comments § permalink
Just now I’ve tried writing about something several times, constantly hitting the backspace key trying to word it correctly without revealing what I really think. The point of this exercise isn’t supposed to be vague and annoyingly disingenuous, but here we are, on my nth draft trying to say something without revealing my cards. So I gave up, and decided to write about how I tried to mislead you while trying to tell you what I’m thinking of at the same time.
How absurd.
June 15th, 2013 § 0 comments § permalink
Go out and buy the new Kanye West album next week. Seriously. Don’t just download the leak… but do it anyways because it might convince you to buy it after you listen to it. It’s just that damn good. The man has not slowed down at all, the guy is still that brilliant fucking wordsmith that we’ve all associated him with. If you want a taste of what this lyrical genius can dish out, listen to ‘I Am A God.’ ‘Black Skinhead’ is also very good and deserving of that 3 minutes of your fucking precious time.
OK, I’m done circle jerking with the rest of the internet now.
June 12th, 2013 § 1 comment § permalink
A friend mentioned to me a few days ago about some friends who were leaving town to pursue their careers, not knowing when they’ll be back again – if ever. It reminded me of the many trials we face as we attempt to harden ourselves as people over time.
If you asked me, having to say goodbye to people in your life is the hardest thing about growing up. As an adult, I can put up with a lot of shit that comes with age: a failing metabolism, taxes, career stress and money issues. But the one thing I can never seem to get over is seeing people come in and then come out of it for good. I guess the finality of it bothers me, though it doesn’t help that I seem to get attached to people far too easily.
I’ve seen some amazing people in my life appear during it. I’ve enjoyed their company, become captivated by their aura and then just like that they’ve moved on to the next town, leaving behind them a wake of sadness that they may never really understand from the other side.
Unfortunately for us, there will be many more goodbyes to come.
May 6th, 2013 § 0 comments § permalink
I made a mental list in my head a few years ago of the things I wanted to do before I hit 30. Go backpacking around Europe. Go skydiving. Get lost in Tokyo. I had a bunch of shit down that sounded cool in my head but would later die off as life went on. But one of those things that I wanted to experience in my relatively unspectacular life was to do a marathon.
At the time I had just completed my first Sun Run event, a 10K run that I ran in a little over an hour and had hastily trained for. I was 23, barely in shape and at the time accomplished very little. I wanted to do exciting shit I told myself. The Sun Run, while an achievement at the time, felt insignificant and minor. I thought about doing a marathon as one of those pie in the sky things to consider, something that I’d love to do but would be such a significantly long term goal that I didn’t think too seriously about it. But I told myself I’d do it before I’m 30.
At 26 I just finished my first marathon yesterday, four years earlier than I expected.
This was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. For the first time since I started doing this sport, I thought about quitting. At the 30K mark, my knees were in bad shape, my left calf was starting to show signs that it might cramp up and my groin was wearing down. But I thought back to everything that led up to that moment: the seven months in the rain, freezing temperatures and spending almost $1000 on physio bills for injuries that almost derailed everything. I thought about that shit. I realized I had come too far. And I told myself that I was not going to stop, I wasn’t going to walk. I was going to run the whole damn thing. And I was going to kill myself just to cross that finish line.
That last kilometer, I started crying. And when I hit the last 250M, I must of been running by myself because I had people all around me calling me out by name telling me to keep going. And I cried even more. Then it was over.
If you told me 10 years ago that I was going to do a marathon, let alone run 10K without stopping, I would have told you you were nuts. I sat on the curb afterwards with my head down and I hadn’t immediately realized what I just did. This entire journey to get to where I did was long and filled with pain. I just didn’t think it was going to be as emotional for me as it was that day.
April 21st, 2013 § 1 comment § permalink
Completed my 3rd Sun Run today. One word: fulfilling. Nothing is more satisfying than running a personal best in a sport like this.
Next up is the marathon in two weeks, and I can’t wait for it. Not because I look forward to running an entire 42K stretch of pavement – which, by the way, I have never done during training – but because my body is falling apart at the seams here. Another month of this shit and I’m probably going to lose my knees.
For the prize.
April 5th, 2013 § 0 comments § permalink
My dad got his job back. Time to step away from the ledge and pretend none of this ever happened.
April 2nd, 2013 § 0 comments § permalink
I just found out tonight that my dad got laid off from his job today. Immediately in my head I thought, holy shit, there goes one of the last vestiges of stability this family had left.
I’m scared shit-less for my dad. And I pray and hope to God that he gets back on his feet, because I don’t remember the last time my dad was unemployed. It’s fucking terrifying.
March 17th, 2013 § 0 comments § permalink
I’m not sure how much more heart break I can take. I need someone to tell me that things will be OK. That there’s going to be something for me over there.
