All I really want out of life is to engage in what I’m passionate about. Music and sports. My career to an extent. And trying to get better as a person, maybe a little wiser by the end of the day. Sometimes that comes at a price with the relationships I have, but I’ve sort of accepted that possibility. It’ll happen, and I guess going down this path you shouldn’t be afraid of that. But it’s dawning on me that I’m not a young man any more. I’m 29 now, but I still feel – and act – as if I’m 25. Things are changing too fast in this life right now, and I’m not sure what the future’s going to look for me.
News for the ‘Late Night Blurbs’ Category
The first week on the job is coming to a close, and so far I'm not as excited nor relaxed as I thought I would be when you land your first job out of school. Maybe it's because this is my second 'first job' out of school and the excitement is gone. Despite the elusiveness that comes with landing on one's own feet, I haven't felt very content. Maybe I expect too much. Maybe I'm taking things for granted again. After all this is supposed to be my foot in the door, and not everyone gets a home run on their first job in their careers. But I don't know. Maybe this is something I should continue to pray for and let the higher powers that be take care of.
…so that happened.
Boring, old fashioned
Kept my head down and had a low key birthday this year, had a few of the guys over and watched the game. I'm not big on organizing a big bash in my honour these days. It's one of those things where I just feel awkward when I get the attention of the entire room. What do you do with it?
No more coffee at 11PM from now on
2014 was a strange duck of a year for me. I say that because I'm not sure whether or not I categorize it as either a good or a great year. It was a horrible year for the family as we lost our grandpa earlier, and with Christmas Day less than 24 hours away, it's going to be different. It was different when I lost my other grandpa a couple years back as well. On the other hand, I had an amazing summer and it's looking like the year will end on a bit of a high note. But it would be impudent to consider this year a good year after what happened earlier. Maybe categorizing how a year went is too antiquated of an approach now. It's too unrealistic to expect a year to be perfect, and maybe that's the problem.
The things I think about at 3 in the morning on Christmas Eve.
The way that gravity pulls on you and me
Haven't had a lot of time to do this for a while now. Life's gotten a little crazy, but the fact that I'm still here means something I guess.
Music and running have been keeping me sane these days, and thank God for that. However, I'm not quite sure if I'll be ready for the marathon in May, and with my school schedule next semester looking disgusting, I think I might be taking a break from dragonboating, and who knows when I'll come back. There's so much uncertainty next year, and I'm guessing this chaos won't end for a while. But that's OK. I'm not a fan of stability anyways.
“Biggest life lesson learned?”
Learning how to let go of people from my life.
Random thoughts at 1 AM
I don’t really remember the last time I slept on my own bed lately. I’ve been hitting the road these past couple of weekends, sleeping on hotel beds, stiff mattresses in university dorms and on the floor of a tent, with nothing but sand and rock underneath. I was determined to make this summer a good one, maybe being away from home a lot is starting to wear me down a bit. I’ve got another trip to Victoria this weekend, if I can get through that one then I’ll slow it down. In between my out of town excursions, maybe the other reason is because it’s so damn hot these days, the only refuge I can get from the heat is turning the fan on and sleeping on the couch in the basement. With the television on, it sings me to sleep. Maybe the other reason why I can’t stand my own bed is because of this restlessness that seems to show up when the sun goes down. I don’t know why, but sleeping in my own bed while I’m like this doesn’t help me. Maybe the television is key. Instead of thinking about things, I let the television tell me everything’s going to be OK, that I will soon find sleep tonight. Yeah. Maybe that’s it. It won’t all go away, but at least I can try and take it one night at a time.
Living in the grey
It’s a terrible feeling knowing that in the end, your feelings meant nothing at all.
What a waste. I need to start trusting my friends more.
It’s been a long time since 22
It was a low key 27th for me. Used my birthday pass this year to go out for a run after work, then locked myself up in a room playing the guitar for God knows how long. I've been swamped with school work every day since January, and I told myself that I'd spend today doing anything but. It was nice to – at least for a night – do things that I've enjoyed doing since I was 15. My mind was blank this evening. I missed that.
Thank you all for the birthday wishes. I don't like making a big deal out of my birthday when it comes, but I do make it a priority to express my thanks for those who recognize it.