All I really want out of life is to engage in what I’m passionate about. Music and sports. My career to an extent. And trying to get better as a person, maybe a little wiser by the end of the day. Sometimes that comes at a price with the relationships I have, but I’ve sort of accepted that possibility. It’ll happen, and I guess going down this path you shouldn’t be afraid of that. But it’s dawning on me that I’m not a young man any more. I’m 29 now, but I still feel – and act – as if I’m 25. Things are changing too fast in this life right now, and I’m not sure what the future’s going to look for me.
News for the ‘Randomness’ Category
After a frenzied 4 day Christmas long weekend, I spent the last 24 hours of it trying to catch my breath, most of it by myself. Not such a bad thing when you consider I’ve been out of the house for much of these last few days, so dedicating a day to being a loner was a very attractive plan today. One of the things I wanted to do was catch up on my running, which I haven’t done nearly as much as I wanted to since September.
It’s not very often I get to spend a great deal of time outdoors running these days. Work gets in the way of scheduling a run at a decent hour after work, and with the way things are going, I feel way too drained coming home to even mount a serious session like I used to. I’m not enjoying what I’m doing, and I’ve been feeling this way for a while now. I tell myself it’s a start, but it’s hard to stay grounded when several of my classmates seemed to have fast tracked their way into where I want to be career wise. I’ve been trying to find a new job for a while, and I’ve had a few interviews but nothing so far has stuck. I hope I find something.
I haven’t really been feeling myself lately. Again, maybe it’s the job thing (it’s an easy excuse to make), but I haven’t really been doing the same things I used to before I left my last job and went back to school. My running has suffered and so have my other hobbies. It just doesn’t feel the same.
But maybe my approach hasn’t been the best. Maybe I need to just suck it up for a bit longer and then see what’s out there. I know I’m not long for the job I’m doing any ways, so might as well make the best of it while I’m there, get some exposure to new things and gain some references while I’m at it. Don’t worry about everyone else. Spend my energy elsewhere, like trying to be a better dude. I know I’ve got work to do. I’m not the person that I want to be, but I feel like I’m getting there, and at my age I guess that’s a victory worth celebrating. I guess this is what they meant by fighting it out when you’re in your 20s.
I ran for a little over 2 hours late this evening. It’s amazing how much you can figure out about your life during that time.
They’re all bold as love
Solo John Mayer with just his Strat is beyond glorious.
Agnes and I started up a new Tumblr blog where we write about all the gross couples things we do together. It's called Mung Mungy, and if you're into reading that sort of stuff then you might like it. So, yeah. Go now.
Some random musings:
- I hope this doesn't become a common theme for future posts, but I get restless whenever I find myself unemployed. Granted it's only been a month since I graduated, I remember all too fondly what I went through after coming out of university. Some of my friends have insisted that I should treat this as being 'fun-employed' and I guess, when you're in your early-mid 20s it's not such a bad thing. But at this point in my life, I just want to get on with it.
- Speaking of common themes, I hope I don't format my posts like this in point form again. Unfortunately, these days there's more quantity than quality when it comes to introspective talking points.
- On the other hand, I've been pretty constructive with my time off. Spent some time getting back into my normal running schedule again, playing more music – which was an important goal for me post-grad – and started reading more recreationally. I figure if I'm going to have an entire day to myself for long stretches, I might as well use that time to keep the body and mind fresh.
- I was at the wedding the other day, and the plus one was one of the bridesmaids for her best friend. Walking down that isle, it reminded me again of how lucky I was and just how insanely crazy this year has been. We all need moments like these to reaffirm how blessed we are in life sometimes, and that it really is out of our control.
An interesting TED Talks video on being vulnerable that was shown to us at my Conflict Management class today. If you've got 20 minutes to spare, I think this is worth watching. Feel free to visit the actual page this video is on, if the small size bothers you.
“Biggest life lesson learned?”
Learning how to let go of people from my life.
Was reading through some old posts back in 2008…
…and I didn't realized how much I missed kanyeuniversecity.com until now. Remember that place? Kanye would post random crap on his blog from sites like Selectism, Hypebeast, Yanko Design… places that I still go to today. The man basically inspired me to blog the way I did back then. It's kind of a shame that we don't see that part of Kanye much anymore.
Random thoughts at 1 AM
I don’t really remember the last time I slept on my own bed lately. I’ve been hitting the road these past couple of weekends, sleeping on hotel beds, stiff mattresses in university dorms and on the floor of a tent, with nothing but sand and rock underneath. I was determined to make this summer a good one, maybe being away from home a lot is starting to wear me down a bit. I’ve got another trip to Victoria this weekend, if I can get through that one then I’ll slow it down. In between my out of town excursions, maybe the other reason is because it’s so damn hot these days, the only refuge I can get from the heat is turning the fan on and sleeping on the couch in the basement. With the television on, it sings me to sleep. Maybe the other reason why I can’t stand my own bed is because of this restlessness that seems to show up when the sun goes down. I don’t know why, but sleeping in my own bed while I’m like this doesn’t help me. Maybe the television is key. Instead of thinking about things, I let the television tell me everything’s going to be OK, that I will soon find sleep tonight. Yeah. Maybe that’s it. It won’t all go away, but at least I can try and take it one night at a time.
I gave gold to someone for the first time on Reddit for what I thought was an incredibly profound comment made by him. It's a rare thing for me to have my values and understanding of myself as a person shaken like that but congratulations to him, he did it. And judging by the number of gold stars above his post, I'm not the only one who felt shivers down their spine.
I'm not sure if he fully realizes the impact of his words yet.