In the current predicament I face right now, it’s made me think about things. Like, despite what I’ve said before, I’ve realized that this chase is the only thing that gives me a purpose. A purpose to wake up and endure, to keep going, to pursue what really matters to me. To think that this might soon be over not only frightens but also depresses me.
But you keep going, and I’ll keep running after you. And when you stop, I hope it means you’re turning around and coming to me.
Warning: This is going to be one of those spill-your-guts posts, so click away if it’s not your thing. And if it hasn’t been changed yet, change the background colour to something other than white. I’ve activated the snow again this year. It looks cooler against a black background.
I had this big, elaborate and pretentious post lined up for tonight. But after hitting backspace a million times, I’ve given up. It’s a hopeless endeavor to put an eloquent spin on what you’re trying to say, especially at 2 in the morning.
Prepare for a dubbed down version of Matt’s life thus far.
This semester was different than a lot of the other ones I’ve had. I was inspired, changed and I gained a new perspective on the things I have believed for most of my life. Music has totally overrun my life. I want to make an impact around me. God is back in focus. I’m actually bummed about not going to school in January – wha? I felt that I’ve accomplished a lot from a personal perspective. Not bad, considering that I wasn’t even expecting to be in school this fall.
This semester was also one where I felt something that I had never felt in a long time. If you’ve been following me for the past few weeks, you probably figured out what that was.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth the effort. Things were going so well in the beginning, but now it feels as if it’s cooled down. Maybe it’s because my expectations have gone up, maybe I’m expecting too much and trying to make things go too fast. They tell me I over-think things. This is probably one of those cases, but my consciousness says otherwise. I’ve been proven wrong before, but I always come out of it thinking I’m still right and you are all wrong.
My biggest fear right now: this is all for naught, and the things I’ve been doing would be just some big waste of time. It’s hard for me to move on, because of how much I invest into things emotionally. Like how that song from OneRepublic goes, the fight for you is all I’ve ever known.
So I don’t know what to do anymore, save for this one thing I’ve been planning for the last month and a half. If it works, I owe certain people a life-times worth of coffee and pizza. If it doesn’t, then at least I’ll have a story to tell.
I’m not one of those guys that spends a fortune buying up a million little toy figurines and places them all around my desk like this guy. I had a friend who did that in high school, but instead he put them in a massive glass case that he probably paid way too much for. It was like an expensive and luxurious glass tower for his toys while the rest of his room languished in his own filth. However, having plastic or vinyl around – as long as it’s the ultimate in cool – isn’t such a terrible thing when it doesn’t get out of hand. I already have enoughtoys to last me a life time – trust me when I say three is too much – but if I had the cash to spend I’d take my chances with these, limited to only 200 pieces world wide. Dopetastic.
The other day I just did the second shoot out between the Gibson J45 and the Martin HD28. So far the J45 is winning. To me the Martin seemed… too bright, which is odd considering every acoustic player I’ve run into treasures the brightness that’s associated with the Martin along with the volume it gives. Maybe I’m just dumb.