Posts Tagged ‘angel’

Now What

I’ve got what amounts to around 5000 words spanning two papers to be typed and submitted to various instructors this week. I currently have 141 words written down and the clock has just struck midnight. Why I am diverting so much time and energy to napping long hours and blogging about nothing is beyond me. Maybe this is just a big screw you to school for trying throttle my fun. Leave Matt alone!

Apologies beforehand for theĀ  lack of clarity of this post. It’s a public blog – hence the subtlety – but to me there is no other outlet for which I can express this.

It’s kind of funny. Looking back, I complained about how things weren’t happening, that the whole thing has stalled on me. The chase wasn’t over, but I had doubts that I was ever going to catch up to what I really wanted. I still hate the chase so much… but I guess all the emotions and feelings we experience during thisĀ  is what makes us feel alive and human. I’ve felt happy, sad and confused. I can honestly say, I’ve felt more alive these last few months than I’ve ever felt for the past 3 years… which was the last time I went through this again.

I can’t help but wonder whether I need to do something more now. I’ve been so caught up in this dream that I’ve lost focus. Maybe I shouldn’t be breaking down this whole thing into a process, maybe that’s why I never have any luck in this. What do I do now? I don’t want to lose any of this, I don’t want to lose what I want. That’s what scares me.

I hope in the end everything works out.

Posted: November 23rd, 2009
Categories: Life
Tags: ,
Comments: 2 Comments.