Posts Tagged ‘death cab for cutie’

Let’s file this one away

I’d like to forget about 2012.

It was the worst stretch of my life that went on for way too long, beginning with heartbreak, a long period of unemployment and listlessness that had me thinking there was no way I was going to get out of his hole. That feeling useless and desperate was somehow normal, that living the way I was for the first half of the year was going to be what I was looking forward to for God knows how long. During that stretch, there was way too much going on emotionally, personally and professionally that interfered with how I wanted to live my life. I knew things were going to be hard in 2012, but you’re never really prepared for such a prolonged period of joblessness, and you certainly can never be prepared to suffer through heartbreak. I don’t care who you are, that’s something that will make you sick to your stomach for a long time. And it got in the way of a lot of things that I was supposed to do. For four fucking months I was torn to pieces after being shredded emotionally by someone.

But the year ended with some hope, with something to look forward to going into the new year. With a stroke of luck I was employed thanks to a friend, my confidence was restored and I’d like to think that things are on the upswing for me right now. Even though 2012 was a crisis, I learned a few things. I learned how to persevere. To not cut myself short for anybody, that there is someone out there that thinks you’re worth something. That there are worst things in life than a shitty job, because I think we all want to have some sort of stability in our lives, and we don’t truly appreciate that until we don’t have it anymore.

As a result, I don’t give two shits about anyone who complains about their job. I’ve been on the other side of that, I’ve talked to people who are still toiling over there, who’ve had it worse than me. Who are still looking after all this time. Who need a fucking chance. Those are the people that deserve my empathy. For what it’s worth.

So here’s to the new year. I hope it treats me – and you – better than its predecessor. And I hope to God that I won’t go through that ever again.

‘So this is the new year.’

(I’m tired, I hope this all makes sense in the morning.)

Posted: January 2nd, 2013
Categories: Late Night Blurbs, Life
Tags: , ,
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So this is the New Year

It’s currently 5:47 in the morning, it’s still dark outside and I’m running on 4 hours of sleep despite turning in early last night. I guess that’s one good thing about not being able to sleep well, I need to wake up early anyways. I have no idea how long I can keep up this 8 AM start time for this new job. It just seems way too gnarly to maintain over 4 months.

I didn’t think I’d ever say this, but I’m going to miss school this semester, especially with all the fun I had on campus this past fall. I’m finally enjoying life on campus, despite only being up there for 2 days a week. Now that I’m going to be heading to Surrey for work instead, it’s going to make me miss it even more. And when graduation hits, I’m going to be at a loss in how to fill that void. I wish I could be a student forever.

But anyways.

There are so many questions, so many conflicting feelings coming into this new year. Do I keep trucking on at Scotia or is my time really up? A part of me doesn’t want to leave. There’s some… unfinished business that needs to checked off before I go. Another part of me thinks the time is now. I’ve been there for over 2 years, and I don’t want to be seen as a lifer. I’m probably one of if not the oldest guy working in my area and one would see that as a sign to move on.

There’s also other matters that need to be dealt with soon. Like sucking it up and saying how I feel. I’m not very good at expressing how I feel at times. Heck, these posts don’t even tell the whole story. I guess there’s that fear of not getting the results I want. But if past experiences have taught me anything, it’s that it’s better to find closure in something rather than let it tear you up and leave it be.

So here’s to the new year.

Posted: January 4th, 2010
Categories: Life
Tags: , , , , , ,
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So this is the new year…

After a night of total debauchery, suffering through shitty Bacardi shots and warm beer, it appears I’ve made it relatively unscathed into the new year. Apologies all around for the incoherence I’m displaying right now, alcohol and a lack of sleep can sometimes prevent the normalization of brain cells from functioning.

When the discussion becomes nostalgic around this past year, someone I know will always note of something pleasant. New friends, that new someone, new job, that sort of crap. I don’t know if I could equate any of that with the same experiences I went through this past year. No major breakthroughs, just a whole ‘lotta shit.

Our family has experienced a tragedy this year involving the passing of my Grandpa. It’s hit my Dad and his side of the family a lot harder than anyone else here and the week after we found out was probably one of the worst times of our lives. People were distressed, no one had energy to do anything and no one knew what to do. It was a fucking mess. I guess this is just part of growing up, seeing people we’re use to seeing – people we thought would be around forever – leave us. I can’t believe Grandpa’s gone. A part of me is still saying if I were to roll up to the home he was living in we’d see him there. It fucking sucks.

I never wrote about this when it happened. I didn’t have it in me – despite the desire – to talk about it through here. I felt like crap for not giving off some kind of final send-off for him through the medium that I adore, so consider this my official tribute. I wish I knew him better before he left, but hopefully he’s looking down and saying “fuck it, we’ll get to that later.”

I hope there is some good coming my way and to the people I love this year. I hope to God that there will be. This past year has been absolute shit, nothing went right and when things did go right it was under a dark cloud that wouldn’t go away. So fuck 2008, I’m looking forward to this 2009 shit.

…and I don’t feel any different.

Posted: January 1st, 2009
Categories: Life
Tags: , , , , , ,
Comments: 3 Comments.