Posts Tagged ‘gone’

Last Word

This is going to be my last post on the subject, because no one – including me – likes redundancy in blogs about some guy whining about nothing… but I need to get this off my chest, because I have serious doubts that I’ll be able to say it outside of this medium otherwise.

It’s a little hard talking about this without coming off as being bitter and whiny, and to be honest there’s a little bit of that flowing through me right now. Because of that I was a little hesitant to publish this, since I’m never a fan of airing out one’s dirty laundry in public, especially with content that tends to be a tad explicit. This has been sitting in my draft box for a couple of days, but in the end, it’s something I wanted to do as part of the so-called therapeutic process we all have to go through when shit like this happens. I guess that’s why we sometimes have blogs, so we have an outlet to not only express but also to release. So pardon moi to whomever this offends, I hold no punches.

It’s been a fucking rough week. I don’t remember ever getting hit this hard in my life when it comes to my feelings getting tarred and feathered. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt something like this before. As I said before, you never can prepare for something like this: heartache will always hurt like hell. At the same time, I really wish I knew about this earlier, and I have serious doubts that she felt that way just recently. I mean for fucks sakes, she knew what the hell was going on. Why not tell me earlier so we can both stop wasting each others time?

I guess out of this all, I’m thankful for the stable of friends I have. What’s keeping me sane these days is hanging out with the crew and the historian. That, as well as running and paddling in zero degrees weather and drowning myself out with music whenever I’m at home – thank you The Bouncing Souls. It’s hell right now and things fucking suck, but at least I’ve got ways to forget.

The Gaslight Anthem – Here’s Looking At You Kid

Posted: January 14th, 2012
Categories: Late Night Blurbs, Life
Tags: ,
Comments: 2 Comments.

I don’t want to study anymore

I miss that feeling of being in love.

The feeling that makes you do outrageous things, where you forget about being so self-conscious about yourself and act on passion alone. The one where I’m seeing her text pop up on my phone, and I try my best to keep it forever only to delete it because the inbox was full. Where I’d spend an hour proofreading a response before sending it back. Where I’m waiting hours for her to show up online and hoping she cares enough to strike up a conversation with me, and then trying desperately to keep that conversation going for as long as I could. That depressing feeling I get when that conversation would sometimes never happen.

It all makes me feel alive, the joy and pain that come with it. But where has it all gone?


Current Audio Orgasm: John Mayer – Edge of Desire

Posted: October 17th, 2010
Categories: Late Night Blurbs, Life
Tags: ,
Comments: 1 Comment.