Unlike years past, I spent my birthday pass with the woman instead. We had a wonderful dinner that she set up, followed by an interesting experience in an Escape Room, which was a first for both of us. We ended the night by indulging in one of her home made cakes that she made, and then fell asleep on the couch soon after. It’s been a strange birthday for me, unusual in of itself because the week leading up to it was surreal. I got an offer to work at a well established organization doing HR work, which only happened after my boss gave her blessing for me to move on – and also offering up a reference. I don’t remember a year where my birthday ended up being this good. But here we are. I feel like a life event like this deserves a more articulate post given the nature of what’s happened, but words sort of escape me in describing just how happy I am.
Posts Tagged ‘job’
Waiting on the day
I haven't been feeling like myself these days. Maybe it's the weather, or the Blue Jays playing like dog crap today, but I'm trying to recapture the person that I was earlier this year. I just don't know how. I feel like I'm worrying too much again. Worrying about my career and where it's going and what will become of it down the road. Granted it's only been a month since I started working at my current gig, but there's an uneasiness to all this. Maybe it's because my expectations are so high and that all the sacrifices I've made to get to this point won't amount to anything. I've got a lot of insecurities that I need to keep under wraps, but for now I just need to pray about it and keep moving.
The first week on the job is coming to a close, and so far I'm not as excited nor relaxed as I thought I would be when you land your first job out of school. Maybe it's because this is my second 'first job' out of school and the excitement is gone. Despite the elusiveness that comes with landing on one's own feet, I haven't felt very content. Maybe I expect too much. Maybe I'm taking things for granted again. After all this is supposed to be my foot in the door, and not everyone gets a home run on their first job in their careers. But I don't know. Maybe this is something I should continue to pray for and let the higher powers that be take care of.
Something proper this time
Wanted to get this off my chest before I hit the sack tonight.
- Maybe it’s just the end of summer and it’s getting darker outside, but I’m feeling a little down these days. Can’t really pinpoint it exactly, but I guess the high than came with the new job has come and gone, so now I’m thinking about other things. Like dating. God it’s been a while… I’m a little skittish in admitting this but I signed up for a dating site. I wasn’t taking it too seriously at first – curiosity often gnaws at me – but just talking to people on there, you can’t help but wonder if it’s even possible for something to come out of that. I don’t know… it’s stupid to get hung up on things like these but at the same time I can’t really help it.
- Speaking of my job, it’s actually been OK, once the first week jitters went away. The place is probably the most chill workplace I’ve ever been a part of. The people there are great, the work is manageable and I’m OK with the pay for now. The only thing I’m a little uncertain about is whether or not there’s a future with this company. Hopefully that will resolve itself in a year from now when my contract is up. Fingers crossed.
- I decided not too long ago that I was going to try and run the Vancouver Marathon next year, with the intention of training for it in earnest starting in September and evaluating my progress at the end of December. So far it’s been OK, running from home all the way to Science World was scenic and definitely more interesting than the 10-13 laps or so around my old high school, in addition to the hills and sprints I’ve been doing with the boys on Sundays. I’m definitely excited about what I might be able to achieve.
- Why do I suck so much at word games? Currently getting spanked hurd at Words with Friends… WHHHHYYYYY.
- I don’t know… I’m just so frustrated tonight. /emo
- Wanted to drop this before I signed off. The new Gaslight Anthem album dropped way back in July and I’m still listening to the damn thing. Might be my favourite album from them. My only complaint? Brian Fallon needs to do more acoustic stuff. He absolutely nails it every time.
Why am I up
It’s past 1 AM right now and I’m supposed to be waking up in about 5 hours to start my new job, which feels so damn good after almost a year of being a part of shitty internships and sketchy business start-ups. The fact that I’m actually going to be working within a structured business environment where I’m going to get paid on a regular basis is something I still can’t really fathom at this point. I knew that things were going to be hard after graduation, but I didn’t expect things to be this rough nor this depressing. I think a lot of people – including me – thought getting some sort of degree would open up worlds for us a lot more easily than people who didn’t have one. Obviously that’s not really the case anymore, and I don’t think my parents really understood that, which made things even more frustrating for me.
I’m also happy because now I don’t feel like a fucking loser anymore whenever people ask me what I’ve been up to. Trust me, it’s awesome telling people all you did at home was watch TV and sleep.
One thing I will miss is volunteering at the music academy, where I taught guitar and just hung out with the kids for almost a year. Being there was like a break from life and all the crap that I’ve had to endure since graduation. When I was there I didn’t have to deal with a psychotic ex-boss or worry about my job search, it was all about the kids and trying to make a difference. The place kept me sane, and in some respects kept me going. I will forever be grateful for the kids and the people there, and I hope they continue to do great things over there. It’s an amazing place and it’s making me sad thinking about not being there anymore. I wish I found out about that place earlier when I was still in school.
And with that, my year long vacation has come to an end. Time to make some cheese.
Explosions off in the distance
Never before have I been this scared entering a new year until now.
I quit my job that I’ve had for 3.5 years. I could have stayed for a little while longer but in the end I didn’t feel happy working there anymore, despite some awesome people that I had a chance to work with. What kept me from leaving earlier was that I was afraid of leaving that security blanket of having some income come my way. When the money stops, it gets scary. I’ll be moving into my co-op placement tomorrow, though unfortunately it will only be a temporary venture, so I’ll be unemployed after my term is done. But I think I’ve made my peace with that realization. It’s going to be sketchy, but at the same time I figure now is a good time to do everything I wanted to do without having the obligation of a job hanging over me.
I’ve decided that this is the year I’ll be graduating. No more putting it off for another year, no more screwing around. Walking around campus this past semester made me feel old and put me in an strange position hanging around freshmen. They would go on about pooping out on midterms from classes I took four years ago, joining clubs and events that I’ve never heard of or missed out on in the past, and other first or second year drama. Conversing with them sometimes depressed me. I’d look around campus and see none of my friends around anymore, they have all gone off to begin their careers while I’m still eating hamburgers and fries alone in the cafeteria at Triple O’s. If this loneliness and social awkwardness tells me anything, it’s that I need to move on. There’s still things I wish I could have done during my time in school but I think I’ve milked this cow long enough. And despite missing out on things I wanted to do, I’m not feeling a whole lot of regret here.
At this point, I should have probably figured out what I wanted to do with my life. You would think 5-6 years is a lot of time to decide. At this point I’m not even sure anymore. I’ve changed my mind so many times when it comes to a career. I thought about being a teacher, but I’m not even sure if the amount of time I have right now until the end of my last semester during the summer will give me the necessary amount of volunteer hours to get into a teaching program. Then there’s graduate studies in business, but the math and statistics requirement scares me. It looks lofty for a numbers retard like me. If all these paths close on me, then I have nothing else but to find a job with what I’ve got. If being in a social science program has taught me anything, only the bright and experienced get into the big research and government institutes. The rest enter fields that have nothing to do with their degrees. And I guess that’s what scares me about my major: there isn’t a specific skill that I’ve learned that’s in such high demand right now. I heard a story of someone I knew where he went jobless for a year before he finally landed something. I don’t want that to happen.
I guess there’s still some things to be optimistic about 2011. I entered 2010 with a lot hanging over me emotionally, which resulted in late nights and tired mornings at work. I don’t think I’ll have that problem anymore. My conscious is clear and for the first time in a long time I feel ready to face the challenges that I’ve foreseen rather than run away from them.
I’m still scared, but I guess that’s something I’m content with for now.