Posts Tagged ‘new year’

Maybe I do

I don’t know how to define 2013.

Which is somewhat of an odd thing for me, because I’ve been able to categorize every passing year in some way. 2013 was tough, but not without a sense of accomplishment, growth and of course, happiness and peace that I didn’t know was there. It was a mixed goodie bag of a year for me, but I think what I had achieved was what made this year special. I guess when I think about it in that sense, it was pretty good.

Farewell 2013. 2014, please be kind.

Posted: January 1st, 2014
Categories: Life
Tags: , ,
Comments: 1 Comment.

Thinking about things

At the risk of not posting a blog for an entire month for the first time since I’ve had this site up, here is my obligatory once a month post.

  • Had a rough last week. There was a mishap at work causing my boss to come after me. She was nice about it, and after my experiences with my last job I feel she was one of the best bosses I’ve ever had, so it’s a little disappointing and frustrating that I’ve some how allowed a bit of disappointment to creep into her opinion of me, or at least I hope that’s not the case. Also had a run in with some old bitch who had an issue with me. Not sure if I’m going to be an asshole to her about it the next time I see her but we’ll see.
  • Another thing that contributed to last week being garbage was the fact that I pulled out of performing for this upcoming Saturday event hosted by the Guitar Club at school. After practicing for a bit and evaluating what preparation I’ve done after the announcement, I decided to pull the plug. I had my eyes set on playing at this event since January, but unfortunately what I didn’t plan on was the event being planned this early as opposed to it being in April as I thought it would. So it wasn’t as if I wasn’t practicing and gearing up for it, it was just that I didn’t expect to be playing until much later. Extremely disappointed, but I hope I have another opportunity to do this before I graduate.
  • I think being in co-op and out of school for this long has turned my writing abilities into crap. It kind of leads me to something I’m afraid of once I leave school: my biggest fear when I graduate is that I’ll lose whatever skills I’ve developed in school these past few years because my job might not require the use of some of my assets. It makes doing even more school a little more appealing so that there’s a better chance of landing a job that takes advantage of what I’ve learned rather than doing something that’s totally irrelevant to what I’ve been taught.
  • Already three months into the new year and so far I’m feeling quite content compared to the anxiety I faced last December. Biggest thing that has contributed to this was leaving my old job. And the greatest thing to come out of that was the fact that I’ve spent a lot more time with close friends, some of which I’ve known for most of my life. I almost forgot what it was like to spend time with these people, which should never happen when you consider them to be close.

    On the flip side, my relationships with those that I’ve made back at the theater have suffered, which I knew was coming. Our schedules are different and it’s almost impossible to meet on a day where we’re all free, so I’m not sure what’s going to happen.

  • Having said all that, my last job sucked. I thought I’d regret quitting but I have no regrets. That place was terrible. But despite how I felt about that place,  I grew more as a person during that period than any other time in my life. I’ll always remember some of the people that I’ve met there, but I just wish it ended a little better.

  • A new watch? Or a new guitar amplifier? Esquire says watch, but Guitar World tells me the latter will give me greater pleasure.
  • Speaking of Esquire, I love that magazine. Not only do I get some great fashion cues out of that but I also manage to read something that hits me. I was reading through some old issues and they had an expanded edition of their awesome ‘What I’ve learned’ feature they have. Among the many other tidbits he said, James L. Brooks shared one thing he learned in the January issue: ‘You know you’re in love when you’re more yourself than you ever imagined possible.’ Reading this made me a little sad. This has only happened two times in my life, and I don’t know if I’ll meet the next person who makes me feel this way anytime soon.
  • After skimming through this post, I have indeed confirmed that my writing skills suck. I need to stay away from using Twitter and Instant Messaging as my main writing medium and spend more time reading and writing more.

‘kay I’m done.

Posted: March 13th, 2011
Categories: Life
Tags: , , , , , , ,
Comments: 4 Comments.

Explosions off in the distance

Never before have I been this scared entering a new year until now.

I quit my job that I’ve had for 3.5 years. I could have stayed for a little while longer but in the end I didn’t feel happy working there anymore, despite some awesome people that I had a chance to work with. What kept me from leaving earlier was that I was afraid of leaving that security blanket of having some income come my way. When the money stops, it gets scary. I’ll be moving into my co-op placement tomorrow, though unfortunately it will only be a temporary venture, so I’ll be unemployed after my term is done. But I think I’ve made my peace with that realization. It’s going to be sketchy, but at the same time I figure now is a good time to do everything I wanted to do without having the obligation of a job hanging over me.

I’ve decided that this is the year I’ll be graduating. No more putting it off for another year, no more screwing around. Walking around campus this past semester made me feel old and put me in an strange position hanging around freshmen. They would go on about pooping out on midterms from classes I took four years ago, joining clubs and events that I’ve never heard of or missed out on in the past, and other first or second year drama. Conversing with them sometimes depressed me. I’d look around campus and see none of my friends around anymore, they have all gone off to begin their careers while I’m still eating hamburgers and fries alone in the cafeteria at Triple O’s. If this loneliness and social awkwardness tells me anything, it’s that I need to move on. There’s still things I wish I could have done during my time in school but I think I’ve milked this cow long enough. And despite missing out on things I wanted to do, I’m not feeling a whole lot of regret here.

At this point, I should have probably figured out what I wanted to do with my life. You would think 5-6 years is a lot of time to decide. At this point I’m not even sure anymore. I’ve changed my mind so many times when it comes to a career. I thought about being a teacher, but I’m not even sure if the amount of time I have right now until the end of my last semester during the summer will give me the necessary amount of volunteer hours to get into a teaching program. Then there’s graduate studies in business, but the math and statistics requirement scares me. It looks lofty for a numbers retard like me. If all these paths close on me, then I have nothing else but to find a job with what I’ve got. If being in a social science program has taught me anything, only the bright and experienced get into the big research and government institutes. The rest enter fields that have nothing to do with their degrees. And I guess that’s what scares me about my major: there isn’t a specific skill that I’ve learned that’s in such high demand right now. I heard a story of someone I knew where he went jobless for a year before he finally landed something. I don’t want that to happen.

I guess there’s still some things to be optimistic about 2011. I entered 2010 with a lot hanging over me emotionally, which resulted in late nights and tired mornings at work. I don’t think I’ll have that problem anymore. My conscious is clear and for the first time in a long time I feel ready to face the challenges that I’ve foreseen rather than run away from them.

I’m still scared, but I guess that’s something I’m content with for now.

Posted: January 9th, 2011
Categories: Life, School
Tags: , , , ,
Comments: 2 Comments.

So this is the New Year

It’s currently 5:47 in the morning, it’s still dark outside and I’m running on 4 hours of sleep despite turning in early last night. I guess that’s one good thing about not being able to sleep well, I need to wake up early anyways. I have no idea how long I can keep up this 8 AM start time for this new job. It just seems way too gnarly to maintain over 4 months.

I didn’t think I’d ever say this, but I’m going to miss school this semester, especially with all the fun I had on campus this past fall. I’m finally enjoying life on campus, despite only being up there for 2 days a week. Now that I’m going to be heading to Surrey for work instead, it’s going to make me miss it even more. And when graduation hits, I’m going to be at a loss in how to fill that void. I wish I could be a student forever.

But anyways.

There are so many questions, so many conflicting feelings coming into this new year. Do I keep trucking on at Scotia or is my time really up? A part of me doesn’t want to leave. There’s some… unfinished business that needs to checked off before I go. Another part of me thinks the time is now. I’ve been there for over 2 years, and I don’t want to be seen as a lifer. I’m probably one of if not the oldest guy working in my area and one would see that as a sign to move on.

There’s also other matters that need to be dealt with soon. Like sucking it up and saying how I feel. I’m not very good at expressing how I feel at times. Heck, these posts don’t even tell the whole story. I guess there’s that fear of not getting the results I want. But if past experiences have taught me anything, it’s that it’s better to find closure in something rather than let it tear you up and leave it be.

So here’s to the new year.

Posted: January 4th, 2010
Categories: Life
Tags: , , , , , ,
Comments: No Comments.

October Nights

I don’t really know if this is considered a ‘late night blurb’ when I’m writing this at 6 in the morning.

Things are going well. It’s going slow but steady and I’ve been feeling happy these last few weeks – which is apparent. I don’t think I’ve felt this way since… I don’t remember.

But there’s this element of dread around the corner, like it’s going to end real soon.

I’m not going to be back in school next semester, I’ll be out experiencing what’s it’s like having a  life like the average Joe for four months – maybe more – when I’m done with school. It’s scary because the reason why I’ve been feeling this way has been the time afforded me by being at school to do things I should have done years ago. No matter how things go at school – I don’t even know what’s going on in any of my classes – this has been some amazing months for me, and I fear that it will end in the new year. That’s real soon. I hate that idea, but I pray that whatever is going on now will last a long long time.

A little confusing? It should be. I need to wake up in an hour. Ring ring ring.

Posted: November 12th, 2009
Categories: Late Night Blurbs, School
Tags: ,
Comments: 5 Comments.