Posts Tagged ‘the chase’

This Chase

In the current predicament I face right now, it’s made me think about things. Like, despite what I’ve said before, I’ve realized that this chase is the only thing that gives me a purpose. A purpose to wake up and endure, to keep going, to pursue what really matters to me. To think that this might soon be over not only frightens but also depresses me.

But you keep going, and I’ll keep running after you. And when you stop, I hope it means you’re turning around and coming to me.

Posted: December 29th, 2009
Categories: Late Night Blurbs
Tags: ,
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Now What

I’ve got what amounts to around 5000 words spanning two papers to be typed and submitted to various instructors this week. I currently have 141 words written down and the clock has just struck midnight. Why I am diverting so much time and energy to napping long hours and blogging about nothing is beyond me. Maybe this is just a big screw you to school for trying throttle my fun. Leave Matt alone!

Apologies beforehand for theĀ  lack of clarity of this post. It’s a public blog – hence the subtlety – but to me there is no other outlet for which I can express this.

It’s kind of funny. Looking back, I complained about how things weren’t happening, that the whole thing has stalled on me. The chase wasn’t over, but I had doubts that I was ever going to catch up to what I really wanted. I still hate the chase so much… but I guess all the emotions and feelings we experience during thisĀ  is what makes us feel alive and human. I’ve felt happy, sad and confused. I can honestly say, I’ve felt more alive these last few months than I’ve ever felt for the past 3 years… which was the last time I went through this again.

I can’t help but wonder whether I need to do something more now. I’ve been so caught up in this dream that I’ve lost focus. Maybe I shouldn’t be breaking down this whole thing into a process, maybe that’s why I never have any luck in this. What do I do now? I don’t want to lose any of this, I don’t want to lose what I want. That’s what scares me.

I hope in the end everything works out.

Posted: November 23rd, 2009
Categories: Life
Tags: ,
Comments: 2 Comments.