It’s been a little over a month since I started my new job. A little crazy at first, but I think things are starting to settle down now, which is nice because it feels like I’m always on my feet and never really taking a break at all. And I’m not complaining. It’s what I wanted from what I consider to be an ideal job. I’m still looking for challenges in my life and not really ready to be comfortable just yet. But at the same time, I feel like I can stop flooring the gas pedal for a bit. Not exactly coast, but kind of just focus my energies on other things besides trying to fight it out. I think I got that out of my system, now it’s just time for me to shift gears and try to be better as a person. I’m just glad that I don’t have to worry about my career for a little while.
I guess this is my long winded way of saying, that I feel like I’m in a good place in my life again. Things seem to be working out. And if you asked me a year or two ago whether I would feel this way again, I wouldn’t have believed you. But here we are.
Much like the year before it, 2015 was a weird duck of a year for me. The only difference is from the start it began really well, got even better, then tailed off and sort of nose dived near the end. Now a month into the new year, I’m still not sure what’s going to happen. My work contract is coming up and things remain uncertain for now. I’m still trying to get back on track personally since I started school and – yikes – I’m going to be 29 in less than a week.
This past week hasn’t been the greatest. I was stressed out about work and heading into the weekend I tried to re-orient myself and figure out what I was going to do. But I think going to church today helped. I felt recharged, rejuvenated and ready to face the week ahead. There was a calm that came over me this afternoon, and while it doesn’t do anything for me in terms of the situation, it at least gave me perspective, that whatever happened things were going to be OK. When I look back at 2014, arguably the most tumultuous year of my life, and how I managed to get out of that alive, that yes, things will work out. Maybe not for a while, but that’s OK. In life, sometimes we have to accept that we gotta fight it out for a little while before we reach that point where we don’t have to anymore.
I hope this doesn't become a common theme for future posts, but I get restless whenever I find myself unemployed. Granted it's only been a month since I graduated, I remember all too fondly what I went through after coming out of university. Some of my friends have insisted that I should treat this as being 'fun-employed' and I guess, when you're in your early-mid 20s it's not such a bad thing. But at this point in my life, I just want to get on with it.
Speaking of common themes, I hope I don't format my posts like this in point form again. Unfortunately, these days there's more quantity than quality when it comes to introspective talking points.
On the other hand, I've been pretty constructive with my time off. Spent some time getting back into my normal running schedule again, playing more music – which was an important goal for me post-grad – and started reading more recreationally. I figure if I'm going to have an entire day to myself for long stretches, I might as well use that time to keep the body and mind fresh.
I was at the wedding the other day, and the plus one was one of the bridesmaids for her best friend. Walking down that isle, it reminded me again of how lucky I was and just how insanely crazy this year has been. We all need moments like these to reaffirm how blessed we are in life sometimes, and that it really is out of our control.
I woke up earlier than I thought I would today. I must of slept for only 6 hours, but I guess that's because my body has been conditioned to do that for the past two years because of my job. Last Friday was my last day, and waking up this morning, I don't think it's really hit me yet. Maybe when I look at my bank account later in the month I'll realize what had happened, but for now it just feels like day one of a two month holiday before school starts up in the fall. I haven't been in this situation in a while, unemployed and with plenty of time in my pocket. It's unsettling in a way, because I remember the last time I was in this spot. How hard it was to find a job and not knowing what was going to happen to me. But for some reason, I'm attracted to that lack of comfort in my life, and the reason why I decided to forego a stable paycheque for something more. I knew it was going to be rough coming out of university – and it was – and this is going to be no different.
I don’t remember ever having a December move this quickly, which is a shame because the Christmas season is one of those times of the year where it’s actually OK to sit back and take everything in as it goes. But then again, I don’t remember having a December so packed in with work that has me pretty much secluded either at the office or staring at an Excel sheet and Word documents. What’s outside these four walls?
Cultural insulation for the modern worker. Win.
I think I talk way too much about work here, which is someone no one – including me, which I feel a little ashamed of – really wants to engage in unless the job is actually worth discussing about. Like being an astronaut. Or a caveman. Otherwise, who gives a fuck. But I like my job, which would explain why I find myself enjoying talking about it. As an event coordinator, I’m constantly challenged, utilizing different skills and learning things that I only wish my 6 year academic career would have told me before I left. I feel as if it’s taking me places. My job can also be stressful and demanding. Setbacks have been common and there are days where the last thing you want to do is check your email inbox or review the missed calls on your phone while you were sleeping. But I guess when my biggest problems at the moment are centered around females and trying to figure out what the hell to get the parents for Christmas, I think I’m handling everything just fine.
No more work related posts until the actual event has passed. I promise.
It’s almost 2 AM and I’m still awake for no real reason at all. I guess the night owl in me will never die.
The event company that I’m working at has moved the event it’s organizing back into the new year, so my working obligations have been extended. This means two more months of working for little to no pay as a mere intern as well as worrying and fussing about things for a little while longer. It’s a good thing I’m actually enjoying what I’m doing, otherwise I would have gone insane when word came out that we had to stay longer in order to guarantee a successful event. On the plus side, things seem to be on track, and hopefully with all the experience I’ve accumulated during my internship I’ll appear to be a bit more useful to society. And maybe my LinkedIn profile will look less embarrassing too.
For the first time in a while, I’m actually worried about money.
I’m super stoked for the new Black Keys album. The singles released so far are delicious, and it appears likely that the rest of the album will be fit for consumption.
I made the decision to switch Dragonboat teams for 2012, a decision I didn’t take too lightly nor did it feel good doing it. It was a hard thing to do and I honestly wished it all worked out better. That all seems hollow and douchey coming from me right now, but you don’t just leave a team after five years on a whim. The outlook for the team in 2012 wasn’t looking good, and after two hard seasons of trying to rebuild I decided I didn’t want to be a part of that process for a third year in a row. I’ve known several people on that boat for a long time, and everyone there was awesome. I’m going to miss them…
…however, I’m still excited for the upcoming dragonboat season. I’ll finally get a taste of being on a top tier team, and while the challenge of trying to adjust to not only a new team but also a longer season and more intense practices exist, I say bring it on.
One thing I’ve learned recently? That working for free has often been more rewarding than when I was working for a paycheque. Darn.
I’ve got two more opportunities to jog before the Sun Run this Sunday. After a five week lay-off recovering from an injury, it’s been a little hard. I’ve come close to being pain free for an entire 10k run, but there have been setbacks. The foot feels fine, but for some reason I’m starting to suffer from shin splints, which is weird because I’ve never had them since I was 16. It’s a little discouraging at this point – especially this close to the 17th – but knowing me, that won’t stop me. I’ll probably end up destroying every single bone and muscle in my body just so I can cross that bloody finish line. That’s just how I do things. It’s also how I got hurt in the first place. But then again, that’s what rehab’s for. And the half marathon isn’t until June anyways.
By the way, the most uplifting song I heard during my jog today: Rebellion (Lies) by Arcade Fire. An oldie, but still a classic. The song starts with what is probably my favourite bass-line in a song and crescendos from there. The song came up on my iPod after giving in to the pain in my shins. From there I picked myself up and started running again. I hope God will kick out the jams like that if I ever feel like giving up on Sunday.
My co-op semester is almost over and I realized that I won’t be making as much money as I thought I was going to make, which is disappointing. I don’t think there’s a chance I’ll be brought back, since the co-op office has a policy where you can’t work one semester and graduate after that, nor do I think the higher ups will take me anyways (a story for another time). While my savings account has been nicely propped up as well as the expenses for my trip in July have been covered, there isn’t much for other frivolous items I’ve been looking at for a while. Hopefully I’ll be able to land some sort of employment in the summer.
As stated in my last post, the new Yellowcard album is dope. Yes, it isn’t the most lyrically genius piece of music out there, but gosh darn it it’s Yellowcard. Also, anyone notice that lately there’s just way too much crazy new music out there to digest? My ears haven’t even sampled the new Gaslight Anthem, Dropkick Murphy’s and Travis Barker’s new album.
These past few months have made me realize how stupid I was trying to accommodate you in my life. I get it, this new found purpose in your life doesn’t involve me. I just wish it didn’t involve the obvious deceit and disrespect that you gave me the whole time we knew each other. I will miss you, but these feelings for you have come and gone. Green Day – Whatsername
And just to end on a positive note, I will share with you this freakin’ awesome video. Way to go little girl, you rebel you:
At the risk of not posting a blog for an entire month for the first time since I’ve had this site up, here is my obligatory once a month post.
Had a rough last week. There was a mishap at work causing my boss to come after me. She was nice about it, and after my experiences with my last job I feel she was one of the best bosses I’ve ever had, so it’s a little disappointing and frustrating that I’ve some how allowed a bit of disappointment to creep into her opinion of me, or at least I hope that’s not the case. Also had a run in with some old bitch who had an issue with me. Not sure if I’m going to be an asshole to her about it the next time I see her but we’ll see.
Another thing that contributed to last week being garbage was the fact that I pulled out of performing for this upcoming Saturday event hosted by the Guitar Club at school. After practicing for a bit and evaluating what preparation I’ve done after the announcement, I decided to pull the plug. I had my eyes set on playing at this event since January, but unfortunately what I didn’t plan on was the event being planned this early as opposed to it being in April as I thought it would. So it wasn’t as if I wasn’t practicing and gearing up for it, it was just that I didn’t expect to be playing until much later. Extremely disappointed, but I hope I have another opportunity to do this before I graduate.
I think being in co-op and out of school for this long has turned my writing abilities into crap. It kind of leads me to something I’m afraid of once I leave school: my biggest fear when I graduate is that I’ll lose whatever skills I’ve developed in school these past few years because my job might not require the use of some of my assets. It makes doing even more school a little more appealing so that there’s a better chance of landing a job that takes advantage of what I’ve learned rather than doing something that’s totally irrelevant to what I’ve been taught.
Already three months into the new year and so far I’m feeling quite content compared to the anxiety I faced last December. Biggest thing that has contributed to this was leaving my old job. And the greatest thing to come out of that was the fact that I’ve spent a lot more time with close friends, some of which I’ve known for most of my life. I almost forgot what it was like to spend time with these people, which should never happen when you consider them to be close.
On the flip side, my relationships with those that I’ve made back at the theater have suffered, which I knew was coming. Our schedules are different and it’s almost impossible to meet on a day where we’re all free, so I’m not sure what’s going to happen.
Having said all that, my last job sucked. I thought I’d regret quitting but I have no regrets. That place was terrible. But despite how I felt about that place, I grew more as a person during that period than any other time in my life. I’ll always remember some of the people that I’ve met there, but I just wish it ended a little better.
A new watch? Or a new guitar amplifier? Esquire says watch, but Guitar World tells me the latter will give me greater pleasure.
Speaking of Esquire, I love that magazine. Not only do I get some great fashion cues out of that but I also manage to read something that hits me. I was reading through some old issues and they had an expanded edition of their awesome ‘What I’ve learned’ feature they have. Among the many other tidbits he said, James L. Brooks shared one thing he learned in the January issue: ‘You know you’re in love when you’re more yourself than you ever imagined possible.’ Reading this made me a little sad. This has only happened two times in my life, and I don’t know if I’ll meet the next person who makes me feel this way anytime soon.
After skimming through this post, I have indeed confirmed that my writing skills suck. I need to stay away from using Twitter and Instant Messaging as my main writing medium and spend more time reading and writing more.
Not taking that extension back in April was a risk. A big risk. One that had financial implications. While I’m not as broke as I like to exaggerate when discussing it, the future outlook of how much I’ve got to play around with for important things looks grim. I’ve also got to deal with going to school, something that I thought was going to be rather exciting, but after looking at the deadlines I’m looking at, I forgot how much school sucked.
I need a new job, the one I’m at is bringing me down and I guess it’s starting to show. I’m not as energetic about doing my work as I was a year ago. I’m not doing the best that I can do, and I’m not really being the kind of person that I expected people in the same role as I. It’s hypocritical I know. The only thing that’s keeping me going is that I still have the support of most of the managers there. If people still rely on me, I guess that should count for something. Also the fact that finding a job is hard.
On the plus side, maybe not taking that extension was a good thing.
I’ve spent more time with friends than I did when I was still holding down a 8-4 job in addition to a closing shift at Scotia. I’ve got some resemblance of a life now. I’ve got time. Never did I realize how precious time is. Now I treasure it whenever I can.
Things maybe aren’t all bad. But the whole job hunting thing still sucks. Oh and school sucks too. Can’t forget that either.
Quick random thoughts, free of the excess that would otherwise take up an entire blog post for each one:
1) Olympics are over, and I am sad. But I do not regret, I had fun and for the most part did what I wanted to do during the festivities. 2) Team Canada may have won gold, but I still prefer a Stanley Cup parade in Vancouver. 3) Now that I know how you feel, would you wait for me? 4) Writing songs is hard. Deadline in April coming up fast. 5) Twitter is addictive. Please join so more people may experience more of Matt. 6) Work sucks, I know. But at least I get paid. 7) Fiji in July? Would it benefit me spiritually? Would I be allowed to come? eight) And furthermore, if I were to be offered it, would a second term of co-op be worth it? 9) These pictures won’t upload themselves. 10) More ‘beholding,’ less day dreaming. 11) Vox AC30 or a Bogner Ecstasy? Combo amp or cool half stack? 12) I have yet to venture into the art of cooking. Who’s up for helping me out? 13) Sleep is the enemy. 14) March already. Darn. 15) The Fray – Happiness.